Ingredients:

• one washing machine
• one pair of leather falconing gloves
• one unspayed male cat
• one unspayed female cat on heat
• three or four slabs of beer
• a dozen or so blokes

Invite your mates over and consume at least half of the beer. Do this rapidly. Catch the female cat and put it in the washing machine. Add male cat. Close lid.

Set the water level to extra low and the wash cycle to extra dirty cottons, something hot and steamy. When you begin to hear the sounds of kitty sex, start the wash cycle.

Drink more beer, and sing along with the cats as they go on the ride of their lives. If the washer becomes unbalanced during the spin cycles, stop the machine, put on the falconing gloves, and rearrange the kitties so that they are balanced again. Restart the machine.

Should your female cat still become pregnant, this is also an excellent way of inducing a kitty abortion without having to pay for a veterinarian.