After reading this article on Slate, I was suddenly reminded of my salad days in Chicago when I was so broke I couldn’t afford toilet paper.

What’s a boy to do?

Easy. Order yourself a free Book Of Mormon — nice and soft on a crap-rimmed anus.

Just leave the book on top of the toilet and rip off a few pages at a time. Plus you get the added satisfaction of knowing that rich people in Utah are paying you to wipe your ass.